-I don’t like to brag, but I beat a deaf, blind kid at pinball once.
-I’m not for certain, but I’m pretty sure that a Native American breaking into your room and setting your novelty dreamcatcher on fire and then peeing on it to put out the fire is not a good sign.
-If you didn’t know the definition, you might think that someone calling you a “sexist” was actually a pretty awesome compliment.
-It’s the differences between us that keep us sane.
-I really hope I die on one of my days off. I’d really hate to spend a whole day at work only to bite the dirt on my way home. What a waste of a day that would be.
-On an application for a job or school or anything really, it’s never a good idea to put “freelance gynecologist” in the Hobbies/Other Interests section.
-I met a guy named Ted D. Bear today. I told him it was unfortunate that his parents hate him that much, but at least they didn’t name him Snuggles or Yogi.
-Everything should be judged and rated by a 5-star peer review system. Online dating networks could rate each candidate by their past performances, underwear at Victoria’s Secret sorted by a 5-star rating of sexiest to least sexy, or dogs at the kennel rated least likely to tear your entire house apart.
-Pro tip: If the shoe doesn’t fit, it’s probably not your damn shoe.
-I discovered the best rap song lyrics ever: “Got a one track mind / Gotta, gotta, gotta get dat behind. / Booty booty, fresh and fruity / Gotta, gotta, hit dat booty.” So classy, so modern; I love it.
-Some call me a hopeless romantic, but I call myself stupid. I have a terrible habit of falling madly in love with girls who couldn’t care less about me.
-After being in Happy Gilmore, I wonder how many times Bob Barker wanted to actually tell a contestant “The price is wrong, bitch!”
-I bet there is a really funny story behind the expression “Got to piss like a race horse.”
-Cheech and Chong need their own Saturday morning cartoon special.
-I need more readers! Spread the word and let your friends know about AmazinglyMundane.com through Facebook by becoming a fan of the AmazinglyMundane.com Page here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/AmazinglyMundanecom/87514425205 or by adding me as a friend on MySpace at http://www.myspace.com/ldforrest
-Not to sound too needy, but I also need bodies! In my quest for finding more work as a graphic designer, I need more and more samples for my portfolio. I am currently seeking amateur models in the Houston area for portraits and staged photography! Contact me at ldforrest at hotmail dot com if you’re interested!