B-List Superheroes

B-Superhero: The Almighty Crease!
Special Ability: Has the ability to fold clothes extremely well.

B-Superhero: The Well Groomed Gentleman!
Special Ability: Perfect hygiene.

B-Superhero: Rinse Cycle!
Special Ability: Never loses socks in the dryer and never leaves a red shirt in with whites.

B-Superhero: Algorithm Maniac!
Special Ability: Master of the math problem.

B-Superhero: Exact Change!
Special Ability: Always has the exact amount for any transaction.

B-Superhero: The Spare Button Wrangler!
Special Ability: There in a snap whenever you loose a button and sometimes when you loose a zipper.

B-Superhero: The Living Google Search Box!
Special Ability: Always there whenever you need to look something vital up.

B-Superhero: Mr. Roboto!
Special Ability: Capable of breaking out the most realistic robot dance moves the world has ever known.

B-Superhero: Really Obvious Statement Maker!
Special Ability: There for the greater good of humanity when we need someone to walk out in the rain and say “Man, I think it’s raining.”

B-Superhero: The Hang Man!
Special Ability: Able to solve any Hangman puzzle in three guesses or less.

B-Superhero: Static Cling!
Special Ability:  She instantly dusts off anything she walks near.

B-Superhero: The Reader!
Special Ability: She’s able to read the mind of any domestic house cat and tell you want they’re thinking.

B-Superhero: Air Guitarist Maximus!
Special Ability: Can shred invisible air guitars better than anyone can shred the real thing.

April Fools Prank Ideas

April Fools is tomorrow, and in the spirit of the holiday, here are some pranks to pull on your friends, co-workers, and loved ones. Just be ready for retaliations.

-Put Icy Hot or any similar ointment on toilet seats.

-Change all of the radio station presets on your friend’s car radio.

-Fill the apple juice jug with vinegar.

-Tape magnets to the bottom of an empty coffee cup and attach it to the top of your car. Watch all of the other motorists try to point it out and get your attention as you drive by.

-Set all of the clocks in a friend’s house to different times so they don’t know what time it actually is.

-Rip up your shirt and pour fake blood all over it and then spend the day running around the city zoo yelling that the lions and tigers broke loose.

-Tell your boyfriend that you think you’re pregnant. Make him go buy the pregnancy test, take it into the bathroom and write April Fools on the back of the strip. Come out 15 minutes later, after he’s sat there in deep contemplation.

-Mix up all of the pairs of socks in someone’s sock drawer.

-Put pieces of candy inside the shower head so the next person to use it will be sticky all over.

-Laxatives. Pretty much anything involving these will be a prank worth remembering.

-Move your husband/wife/roommate’s car down the street and tell them you saw a tow truck take it away earlier that morning.

-Find something that your friend holds personally very dear to them, buy something that looks remarkably similar and break it right in front of them.

-Unplug everything in someone’s office; keyboard, mouse, monitor, telephone, pencil sharpener, everything.

-Hide all of the clothes in a roommate’s closet and replace them with a lone clown suit.

-Buy a Build-A-Bear for your lover but record a breakup message on it like “I’m sorry to have to do it this way, but I don’t think we should be together anymore.” pause a few seconds then add the “April Fools!” to the end of it.

Disneyland Rides That Didn’t Make The Cut

-The Middle East: Why Princess Jasmine Can’t Show Her Face In Public And Why Its Okay For Aladdin to Take A Dozen More Wives

-Point and Laugh At the Hunchback of Notre Dame

-Little Mermaids Gone Wild

-Pluto’s House of Knives and Other Sharp Objects

-Wonderland – Alice’s Anti-Drug

-Fun Things to Do With Sleeping Beauty Before You Wake Her Up

-The Euthanization of 101 Dalmatians

-Seven Dwarfs and The Train Ran On Snow White – The Tram Ride

-Recreations of Drunk Driving Accidents and How Speed Kills: Hosted By Lightning McQueen of Cars

-The Incredibles’ Remarkably Less Than Incredible Ride

-Minnie’s Brothel House

-Tarzan’s Loincloth Etiquette

-Where French-Fries Come From: Demonstrated by Mr. and Mrs. Potatohead from Toy Story

-Cinderella’s Ride Through Puberty and How To Lose Your Virginity To A Prince

-The Pocahontas Pass-The-Pipe Experience

-Dumbo’s Stupid Big Ass Ears

Cloning To-Do Checklist

Cloning is a very real science that will likely come to fruition in our lifetime. Assuming that scientists would be able to clone any person, deceased or alive, at any stage in the subject’s life, this is the checklist of the first things that need to be done. This is how we need to get our clone on [in no particular order].

- Clone the Olsen twins. This new set will be the unwholesome ones.

- Make a duplicate of Britney Spears. I know, this sounds crazy, hear me out. We let the original be the crazy, head shaving, loving mother that she is, and the clone will be a realization of her at her peak, back when “Hit Me Baby One More Time” before she fell into the deep end of the pool without arm floaties.

Britney Spears

 -Clone the entire Seinfeld cast to bring the series back to life; the reruns are getting kind of stale now.

- Clone Michael Phelps. One can swim a whole bunch and the other can sit on the couch and smoke pot all day.

- Clone Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone in the state of their respective heydays and finally put them in an awesome action movie together.

- More Megan Fox, lots and lots more Megan Fox-es.

Megan Fox

 - Clone Mike Tyson so he can fight himself.

- Marilyn Monroe needs to be brought back. Somehow, President sex-scandals went from dames of her class to Monica Lewinsky. We need to bring her back and give Obama the real President treatment. Or if we really get efficient with this cloning business, we can make a whole bunch of her and have her pop out of cakes at everyone’s birthday party.

- My favorite comedian: George Carlin. The world needs him.

George Carlin

 - Now if we’re going to raising people from the dead so to speak, you have to mention some of the great minds from our history. Clone Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr., George Washington, and Benjamin Franklin. Let them all see just how fucked up things got while they were gone.

Abraham Lincoln

Signs You Play Too Much World Of Warcraft

You check your in-game mail to monitor your auctions before checking your regular e-mail.

You’ve seriously tried to figure out how a backpack could hold sixteen pieces of plate armor but can’t hold seventeen measly rings.

You use things like IMO, ROFL, STFU, NPC, LOL, GTG, and OMW in regular verbal communications.

Tuesday mornings are worse for you than Monday mornings.

You set your watch or at least one clock in your house to server time.

You know what MMORPG stands for.

You mistakenly title your to-do list as Quest Log.

When you forget someone’s name you look above their head for a nameplate.

A talking cow wouldn’t surprise you.

People dancing on top of mailboxes wouldn’t surprise you either.

You go to Thotbot when you meant to look something up on Google.

You press the push-to-talk button when talking to someone in the same room as you.

When using a computer, your hands have naturally digressed from hovering over the home row keys to over the A, S, D, W keys.

Your friends call you by your main character’s name instead of your actual name.

When passing someone who is walking a dog you give them an extra large amount of room so you don’t aggro them.

LEEROY JENKINS!