Tag Archives: beauty

Mischief, Mayhem, And Meanderings

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-Being in debt is a good way to really see what you’re worth; knee caps $10,000 each, fingers $1,500 each, legs are about $2,000, and each finger and toenail is about $200.

-”…And for the next contestant of the Talent portion of this year’s Miss America Pageant, Susie May is going to perform long division!”

-First there were no machines. Then, when we called people we really hoped we didn’t have to talk to a machine. Now, when we visit websites, we have to prove that we are not machines.

-There is a special point in life when you realize that the list of things that you want to do greatly outnumber the things that you will eventually do.

-Good news travels fast; bad news is always running about five minutes late.

-It’s impossible to reach Zen with pants on.

-Time is only one person’s side and that’s Time’s.

-British mum and four of her daughters get breast implants. [Article source: http://www.mirror.co.uk/life-style/kids-and-family/2009/07/12/mum-and-four-daughters-spend-40-000-on-nine-boob-ops-115875-21512369/ ] Unfortunately, they’re all blondes.

-Your momma is so fat that if she was a magician she’d have to vanish into fat air.

-”Up shit creek without a paddle” is just a roundabout way of saying the same expression of “It’s time you roll up your sleeves and get your hands dirty.”

-It’s a good thing that dinosaurs aren’t around anymore. If they were, there’d probably a rights activist group and there would never be another movie about people having to kill rampant dinosaurs in order to escape a freak-show of an amusement park on some tropical island.

-Falling into a vat of cotton candy is a sticky situation I think everyone wants to be in.

-”Filthy rich” is when you’re wearing $200 underwear and $500 jeans and you shit yourself and you don’t care.

-Be an impressive motherfucker, be honest and be yourself.

-The jig is up, the news is out, they’ve finally found me;
The renegade who had it made, retrieved for a bounty;
Never more to go astray, this will be the end today.

Juxtapose – Posing Your Juxta And How To Get Noticed

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-When in doubt, resort to violence.

-I wear headphones everywhere I go. I don’t always listen to music, I just always wear headphones. It keeps the stupid people from talking to me.

-Eyebrows are a particular thing. Too much hair and you look goofy, too little hair and you look goofy. There’s a fine line between groomed and hysterical.

-You like superhero movies, you like hot babes, you like dripping wet hot babes in superhero movies, so you’re probably going to love Fathom. Fathom is a superhero movie featuring the best looking thing from Transformers; Megan Fox, playing an Aquaman-like heroine. [Source: http://www.variety.com/article/VR1118000796.html?categoryid=13&cs=1]

-Did you know that grapes explode when you put them in the microwave?

-I say a few curse words now and again, but people who like to be tinkled on – those are the real potty mouths!

-It’s been scientifically proven that a man’s beard grows faster when he anticipates sex.

-I wonder which woodworking accident is most common; splinters, smashed thumbs, being trapped inside a flipped port-o-potty, dismemberment, or crazy glue in your underwear?
 
-Nibble and nipple are so close in spelling for a reason.

-Leaving the house without pants on can be kind of embarrassing, but it doesn’t even hold a candle to being caught picking your nose on the jumbotron at a baseball game.

-The dot over a lowercase i is called a tittle.

-I don’t mean to sound like a pessimist, but have you noticed that rainbows are in the shape of a frown?

-If I ever become a bum and need to stand on the side of the road with a sign asking for money, I’m going to write “Need money for Kung Fu lessons.” I think I’d really be able to reach out and grab the attention of my audience.

-Meet me on the dance floor. I’ll be the one spinning in circles doing the ass-slap dance and performing realistic robot gestures in between grabbing my crotch and screaming like I’m Michael Jackson.