-Hungering for knowledge is easy, but it means more than just regurgitating it all back up again for a test.
-Guys never stop two girls from fighting because there’s always the possibility that one of them might pull on the others clothes and a booby just might pop out. Even if the fight is between two girls in Alaska during the winter while they are both wearing two sweaters and a jacket; guys won’t stop the fight and that’s the honest truth.
-I’m really craving to get a new suit and spend a night on the town with a lady all dressed up. I must be getting old, either that or my fetishes are taking a turn for the ridiculously expensive.
-Muff burger, tuna taco: won’t find those on the dollar menu.
-The only difference between me and rock is that a rock can open a can without cutting itself.
-The best supporting actor in Transformers was Megan Fox’s pushup bra.
-I want an internet connection so fast that I’m browsing porn sites before I even know I want to see some nudity.
-I’m not particularly good at pickup lines. Lately I’ve been using this one though with mild success: “I’m probably the most interesting guy in this bar tonight, I’ll treat you right, and I’ll respect you as a fellow human being.”
-I hope that when I’m a dad and I ask my son what he wants to be when he grows up, he doesn’t look up at me and say something like “Daddy, I want to be shot out of a cannon for a living.” That’s one of those times when you really shouldn’t encourage them with the classic “Well, you can be anything you want to be.” line. Then I’d go tell my wife thanks for giving birth to a 45lb cannon ball.
-The details are really scarce in the article, but yesterday a group of pirates tried to board a U.S. cargo ship en route to Mombasa but the pirates couldn’t make it aboard the vessel, gave up and left before a coalition battleship showed up to escort the boat. You call yourself a pirate? Less rum, more training, and next time bring some fucking rope!
-I’ll be damned if I know what those girls on the Spanish-language station are saying, but they sure are pretty, and they’re definitely having a much better time than me.
-Nothing brings the family together like a good old fashioned heart attack.
- Cunnus lingua – the fancier you make it sound, the more exciting and taboo it sounds.