-Creativity is a pool, a public pool in fact. And well, sometimes a kid poops in your pool and everyone has to get out until the mess is all cleaned up.
-A teacher gave me her home phone number once. Said she wanted to talk with me about my dangling participle.
-Due to the recession, everything is taking a cutback, even the cake and cake stripper industry. Due to the tough economic times, bachelor parties, birthday parties, and first communions have had to resort to hiring midget and amputee strippers to cut back on the cost of the giant cake needed for the strippers to pop out of.
-Dumb people should die. On Saturday, a lady at the Berlin zoo thought it’d be a good idea to hop over the large cement wall and dive into the water with polar bears during feeding time. They then began to nibble on her plump fat rolls. [Source: http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/europe/04/11/polar.bear.attack/index.html#cnnSTCVideo ] Original article, pictures and video of the attack available at the link. It’s not that violent, but some might find the video disturbing: she’s plump, she’s soaking wet, and life rafts are breaking in half as rescuers try to hoist her to safety… Oh yeah, and there are some bears trying to eat her.
-It’s fine if you want to have Jesus as your co-pilot, but I don’t recommend him as your D.D.
-You know a shitty feeling? Doing your tax return and finding out you actually owe the government money instead.
-You know an even shittier feeling? Getting a tattoo and one of the words are spelt wrong.
-The only bunnies I care to hear about on Easter weekend are the Playboy bunnies. In fact, they’re the only bunnies I ever care to hear about. Fuck bunnies. “Fuck bunnies” should be the new slang for couples who procreate too frequently.
-Being able to confidently walk up to a cash register and purchase a tub of lube says a lot about your character.
-I have many ambitions in life; one is to spend a week being nothing but cougar meat, and by cougar I do not mean the feline.
-The best nights of your life won’t be spent sleeping.
-Keep this secret between just you and me, but you’re favorite reader. Seriously, you’re great.