-Being in debt is a good way to really see what you’re worth; knee caps $10,000 each, fingers $1,500 each, legs are about $2,000, and each finger and toenail is about $200.
-”…And for the next contestant of the Talent portion of this year’s Miss America Pageant, Susie May is going to perform long division!”
-First there were no machines. Then, when we called people we really hoped we didn’t have to talk to a machine. Now, when we visit websites, we have to prove that we are not machines.
-There is a special point in life when you realize that the list of things that you want to do greatly outnumber the things that you will eventually do.
-Good news travels fast; bad news is always running about five minutes late.
-It’s impossible to reach Zen with pants on.
-Time is only one person’s side and that’s Time’s.
-British mum and four of her daughters get breast implants. [Article source: http://www.mirror.co.uk/life-style/kids-and-family/2009/07/12/mum-and-four-daughters-spend-40-000-on-nine-boob-ops-115875-21512369/ ] Unfortunately, they’re all blondes.
-Your momma is so fat that if she was a magician she’d have to vanish into fat air.
-”Up shit creek without a paddle” is just a roundabout way of saying the same expression of “It’s time you roll up your sleeves and get your hands dirty.”
-It’s a good thing that dinosaurs aren’t around anymore. If they were, there’d probably a rights activist group and there would never be another movie about people having to kill rampant dinosaurs in order to escape a freak-show of an amusement park on some tropical island.
-Falling into a vat of cotton candy is a sticky situation I think everyone wants to be in.
-”Filthy rich” is when you’re wearing $200 underwear and $500 jeans and you shit yourself and you don’t care.
-Be an impressive motherfucker, be honest and be yourself.
-The jig is up, the news is out, they’ve finally found me;
The renegade who had it made, retrieved for a bounty;
Never more to go astray, this will be the end today.