-One time, I wished upon a star that the star would actually fall from the sky and hit my archenemy in the face.
-”Not to invent yourself is to be false. To follow preordained rules is a profound betrayal of what it means to be human.” – David Starkey
-Showers killed my fun of playing with toys in the bathtub. Now, getting old and being sponged by a hot nurse is the only thing about bathing I can look forward to.
-Did you know that if you sniff a lot of petrol and then get tasered by the police, you can actually burst into flames? Happened to this guy: [Article source: http://uk.news.yahoo.com/5/20090721/twl-tasered-petrol-sniffer-bursts-into-f-3fd0ae9.html ]
-I finished writing my first script this week. It’ll be the first movie with both a musical dance number and a musical sex number.
-A troop of Girl Scouts selling cookie boxes full of drugs would be a really good cover-up for a home delivery service of illicit substances.
-Apparently humans have been killing each other in Iraq for the past 50,000-75,000 years. Newly examined evidence shows that a modern human stabbed a Neanderthal with a spear like object. Survival of the fittest through murder is still evolution. Although I’d like to think that we became the dominate Homo sapiens through means other than just killing, turning on the news today shows that things haven’t changed much. [Article source: http://www.livescience.com/history/090721-neanderthal-murder.html ]
-Candlelight dinners didn’t become romantic until after electricity was invented.
-If you like to hear nothing but bad news, perhaps a profession as a 9-1-1 operator is in your future.
-Everyone has a few stains on their character, but unfortunately I’ve dated a few people that could benefit from an Oxy Clean bath and maybe even drinking a few cups of bleach.
-What do you think happens when you overdose on vitamin C? Does your immune system become so strong that it rejects yourself and you slowly turn inside out or do you think you just turn into an orange?
-For just a few extra dollars, instead of hiring a maid to clean your house you can hire a maid to clean your house while wearing lingerie.
-Good friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone.