-Johnson and Johnson really dropped the ball with their shampoo products. Tear free shampoo is nice, but how about going the distance for a shampoo that provides a boost in self esteem or one that tells you jokes every time you open the bottle (and I mean funny jokes, not jokes about how silly you look naked in the shower).
-Imagine how scary watching someone laugh is when you were born deaf. All of a sudden everyone opens their mouths and starts convulsing. That has to be terrible.
-The witch hunt of the 21st century will be sparked by a widespread belief that if you fail 3 Captcha attempts in a row, you are most certainly a robot and need to be wiped from the earth for your travesties.
-”His ignorance is encyclopedic.” -Abba Eban
-The only thing worse than herpes is space herpes.
-When did someone decide that enough interesting stuff has happened to mankind that it was time to create the first history museum?
-Those who delete their internet history are forever doomed to repeat it.
-When you’re a fat kid, the food pyramid creates a whole different mental image than for most other people.
-I’m perplexed by the Waldo character Martin Handford is trying to bring to life in his Where’s Waldo series. Is Waldo trying to get lost in the world, is he desperately trying to stand out from everyone else? What a conundrum.
-In this day and age and with the advances in technology that we’ve had, I think it’s time that the freezer receives a light when you open the door just like the refrigerator has. Society is ready for this, make it happen.
-I want die any other way than by “natural causes.” Fuck nature, I’m not giving in to that bitch.
-You’re like sprinkles on a shit sandwich.