-If painting your face green, having several Baileys shots, talking in an accent, and drinking green beer all night doesn’t make you Irish then I just don’t know what will.
-I am at a point of great irresolute. Which is better; coconut bras or seashell bras?
-If I made the rules, every restaurant would give you crayons and every table would have a paper tablecloth.
-There must be a How-To book out there about how to force your opinions on others and make them give a shit, because I’m starting to care. I gotta watch that.
-A weird person is someone who keeps their cremated relative in a see-through glass container.
-On all of my travels, I’m going to bring home a bar of soap from the hotel I stayed at. When I turn 55 I’m going to melt all of the bars of soap into one giant block. From that block I’m going to carve something amazing to remember my travels by. I’m a pretty terrible sculptor so when you look at it, you’ll probably need to use a lot of your own imagination. It’s going to be so awesome though, just wait!
-While filming a segment of the movie The Twilight Zone (1983), a helicopter was flew too low to avoid the explosions of the pyrotechnics. The blast severed the tail rotor and the helicopter spun out of control and crashed, decapitating two actors with its blades and crushing another.
-I think I could get into a rapper named DJ Jazzy Ice Cream Sprinkles.
-Doesn’t it bother you that you can’t make phone calls with headphones, head-PHONES? I lose sleep, honestly.
-I admire well laid plans, especially when they don’t work out and the sloppy hastily-made plans prevail.
-Your mom is so fat she doesn’t need the internet – she’s already world wide.
-I’m just kidding about that last one; your mom is a really swell lady.
-Albert Einstein’s last words went unheard. Unfortunately for him, his nurse didn’t speak German. I bet he said something really deep and meaningful. Something he planned for years and years to be the most eloquent words any dying man could ever manage to muster. Such a shame. Such is life.