-There’s only about 29,000 mornings in the average person’s lifetime. I’ve decided to watch as many sunrises as I can until my time is up.
-ShamWow? More like ScamWow!
-”A series of sketches built around subjects like masturbation, defecation, alienation, urination, necrophilia, voyeurism, casual brutality, and mockery of the unfortunate.” Sounds like a summary of a pretty decent summer comedy right? Well it’s actually a quote from The New York Times in regards to The Underground Comedy. The movie was written and directed by non other than the ShamWow guy, Vince Shlomi [who often goes by Vince Offer]. The New York Post summed the movie up as “Maybe the least amusing comedy ever made.”
-Thanks to the magic of YouTube, you can now enjoy Japanese workout videos complete with translation mistakes! [video source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIaTOVLNgzU ]
-It’s a whole different meaning when porn directors get their creative juices flowing.
-My favorite kinds of scientists are the mad crazy ones.
-I saw a few husbands buying condoms on Mother’s Day. I’d say that’s just wishful thinking. Buying condoms is something you should be worrying about for Father’s Day instead.
-Their called blue balls not because of the pressure they’re under, but because they’re sad they never got to perform their one purposeful duty.
-You know you woke up way too early when the infomercials are still on repeat and the cartoons haven’t even started yet.
-”It was just a rhetorical question.”
“Good, I was about to stick that question right up your rhetorical!”
-Retirement must be very peaceful for boxers. They can finally rest assured that they’ll never have to beat another guy’s face in.
-What do you do when you’re the most powerful person in the world? Whatever the fuck you want, that’s the point.
-I don’t understand why anyone would want to go back to their high school years. Puberty was a cruel, violent, and torturous thing. Why the hell would anyone want to repeat that?
-That’s it until tomorrow. If you need me I’ll be at the corner of 8th and Jamison working hard for very little.