Tag Archives: waldo

Concentration Problems Like Hey Look Cupcakes

Posted on by
Reply

-Johnson and Johnson really dropped the ball with their shampoo products. Tear free shampoo is nice, but how about going the distance for a shampoo that provides a boost in self esteem or one that tells you jokes every time you open the bottle (and I mean funny jokes, not jokes about how silly you look naked in the shower).

-Imagine how scary watching someone laugh is when you were born deaf. All of a sudden everyone opens their mouths and starts convulsing. That has to be terrible.

-The witch hunt of the 21st century will be sparked by a widespread belief that if you fail 3 Captcha attempts in a row, you are most certainly a robot and need to be wiped from the earth for your travesties.

-”His ignorance is encyclopedic.” -Abba Eban

-The only thing worse than herpes is space herpes.

-When did someone decide that enough interesting stuff has happened to mankind that it was time to create the first history museum?

-Those who delete their internet history are forever doomed to repeat it.

-When you’re a fat kid, the food pyramid creates a whole different mental image than for most other people.

-I’m perplexed by the Waldo character Martin Handford is trying to bring to life in his Where’s Waldo series. Is Waldo trying to get lost in the world, is he desperately trying to stand out from everyone else? What a conundrum.

-In this day and age and with the advances in technology that we’ve had, I think it’s time that the freezer receives a light when you open the door just like the refrigerator has. Society is ready for this, make it happen.

-I want die any other way than by “natural causes.” Fuck nature, I’m not giving in to that bitch.

-You’re like sprinkles on a shit sandwich.

When The Cows Come Home To Roost

Posted on by
Reply

-I suffered four days of water torture, had most of my toenails removed, and was nearly electrocuted to death as the investigators just kept asking me the same question over and over again: Where’s Waldo?

-The one day of the year I go green is tomorrow: Saint Patrick’s Day. My clothes will be green, my beer will be green, and consequently, my pee will be green.

-I’d like to have a coat made out of the bath mat material; warm, soft, and mildew resistant.

-The year that doors were invented I bet masturbation went up at least 200%.

-If you’re blind you kind of have to be organized. If you don’t put stuff back where it belongs your bowl of cereal could become a bowl of Cascade dish soap drizzled over a handful of bolts. Not to mention that you’ll be eating them out of your cats food bowl instead of your favorite Batman plastic bowl.

-”More fun than a barrel of monkeys.” I’m not sure if this expression refers to the plastic toy or a literal barrel of live monkeys. Honestly, neither sound like very much fun to me.

-It takes a whole lot of bad behavior to get kicked out of IHOP.

-In 207 BC, Chrysippus, a Greek philosopher, is believed to have died of laughter after watching his drunk donkey attempt to eat figs. Story of my life.

-Which do you think came first; the giant q-tip people fight with on American Gladiators or the q-tip we use to clean our ears?

-It should be a rule that anytime you tell your significant other that you are going to take a shower that it be taken as an open invitation to join.

-During the reign of Elizabeth I, there was a tax put on men’s beards. I’m not sure if the tax was measured by number of hairs, length of hair, or overall weight of the beard, but I’m sure Gillette would love a tax like that today.

-I don’t smoke, but I still complain with my friends about the rising price of tobacco products.

-Floral patterns have no place in my life.

-The problem with truth is its lack of elaborate embellishment.

-I’ll make all of your dreams come true for the small monthly fee of $29.95!